"Meeeeeeeeees"

Sometimes when I am teaching, I stare at the looks on the faces of my students and think, “oh great, they are confused again…” Do you need help guys? Silence. Finally, one student breaks the silence. The things that come out of their mouths never cease to amaze me…

“Mees…(this is Peruvian English for Miss)…Do you have a lover?”

Or my personal favorite...

“Mees…have you ever smoked marijuana?”

Those are the questions that make me smile and make me realize that the extremely slow pace at which I must talk in class, the hand gestures, the terrible drawings on the white boards, and the fun game of charades (where I am the only participant) are worth it.

The front of the classroom is the one place where I don’t feel like a complete and mental fool for acting out a dog barking or a mermaid with a seashell bra lounging on a rock (yes I did that one day).

So, who wants me to be their teacher? It’s cheaper entertainment than a going to see a film.

I want you...Justin Bieber

You would think that with Peru being a conservative Catholic country, the level of PDA would be minimal. At least that’s what I thought..

But I was wrong. Apparently, parents here are so strict that young couples are forced to do all of their snogging and hand holding and other mushy gushy gross stuff in the streets for me to see.

Go away, I don’t want to look at you laying all over each other in a public park. And anyways, aren’t you like 15?

So considering I am writing this on February 15, you can assume that this post is about Valentines Day.

False Friends

There are times when I am appalled that I moved here without remembering any Spanish. But to give myself credit, my level now is a vast improvement from when I first arrived. When I was flying down here, there was a bit of an issue in the Houston airport. The ladies at the counter at my gate told me in Spanish (because apparently I look Latin) that they had put my on another flight because my connecting flight was so late getting in. First of all, I am not Latin, and second of all, I told them I was getting on THAT plane. I said all this in English but they were not convinced that I wasn’t Latin.

"para agua, para agua, para agua"

“Para agua, para agua, para agua…”

Two words which translate so easy, but if you had been me the first few days here, you might have had the typical lost in translation look on your face when you heard women on every corner saying it.

I heard those words then and just thought, “What are you saying?” I hear them now and think to myself, “oh crap I forgot my umbrella.” Because para agua (for water) is how they say umbrellas. And it has rained everyday but two since I have been here. I hear those words and think, not again!!!!! 

Lessons Learned

For all of you adventurous spirits out there dying to visit Peru, let me inform you on some things I have learned while living here:

• Corner stores, markets, and street vendors do not put prices on their food or drinks. So, if you have blondish brown hair like me, you will pay too much.
• If you are over 5’5 you are considered a freak of nature and people stare.
• If you are a girl walking down the street, you will get hollered and whistled at.
• If you are a gringo, you will get stared at.
• If you have weak legs before you came here, you wont after your visit. No toilet seats.
• It is not safe to walk by yourself late at night on a weekend. People are drunk and stupid.
• When people yell out LINDA, they are not confusing you with someone else, Linda is just the word for cute.
• If you fall off of the edge of the sidewalk when walking during busy times (which is all of the time) you WILL get run over.
• When a combie drives by, you really should cover your face. Or risk being suffocated and dying. But no big deal, right? Crazy things happen in South America.
• If you are white and don’t have a Peruvian accent, taxi drivers will overcharge you. But you negotiate. Never pay more than 3.50 for anything.
• There are no street signs or traffic laws, so pedestrians are never safe.
• If you don’t carry toilet paper with you at all times and there isn’t any in a public restroom, tough luck. This is normal.
• If you go to Siglo Veinte and the ladies who sell the cute womens clothes don’t hassle you to look at their stuff, its because they know they wont fit you. Peruvians are tiny and you are huge compared to them.
• You cannot find shoes bigger than a size 9 in this country. Or pants.
• If a Peruvian is at least 30 minutes late to meet you, this is normal. Don’t be offended.
• If you don’t like potatoes, I feel sorry for you. Peru is the potato capital of the world and has thousands of variations on the potato.
• Do not touch anything but yourself—ie water, glass bottles, etc.
• If you are walking down the street and a homeless guy steals the coke bottle out of your hands, this is completely normal.
• If you are obsessed with the internet, work on that because the internet turns off everynight around midnight. Deal with it.
• If your Peruvian friends text you from a different phone number, this is normal because that means they didn’t put more credit on their phone yet.
• Seeing an alpaca in a park is an everyday occurrence. You should give it a name.
• If you hear music that is reminiscent of an ice cream truck, don’t be fooled. It’s a garbage truck, and yes, they are playing Christmas music in summer.
• If you are annoyed by the sound of horns honking, learn to get over it. Taxi drivers think it will get them places faster.
• If the water is cold when you take a shower blame yourself for not turning on the water. You cant blame the sun for not being out that day to heat your water supply. So that ones on you.
• It will take you at least 5 minutes to remove the locks from your front door in the morning. Plan ahead.