Lessons Learned

For all of you adventurous spirits out there dying to visit Peru, let me inform you on some things I have learned while living here:

• Corner stores, markets, and street vendors do not put prices on their food or drinks. So, if you have blondish brown hair like me, you will pay too much.
• If you are over 5’5 you are considered a freak of nature and people stare.
• If you are a girl walking down the street, you will get hollered and whistled at.
• If you are a gringo, you will get stared at.
• If you have weak legs before you came here, you wont after your visit. No toilet seats.
• It is not safe to walk by yourself late at night on a weekend. People are drunk and stupid.
• When people yell out LINDA, they are not confusing you with someone else, Linda is just the word for cute.
• If you fall off of the edge of the sidewalk when walking during busy times (which is all of the time) you WILL get run over.
• When a combie drives by, you really should cover your face. Or risk being suffocated and dying. But no big deal, right? Crazy things happen in South America.
• If you are white and don’t have a Peruvian accent, taxi drivers will overcharge you. But you negotiate. Never pay more than 3.50 for anything.
• There are no street signs or traffic laws, so pedestrians are never safe.
• If you don’t carry toilet paper with you at all times and there isn’t any in a public restroom, tough luck. This is normal.
• If you go to Siglo Veinte and the ladies who sell the cute womens clothes don’t hassle you to look at their stuff, its because they know they wont fit you. Peruvians are tiny and you are huge compared to them.
• You cannot find shoes bigger than a size 9 in this country. Or pants.
• If a Peruvian is at least 30 minutes late to meet you, this is normal. Don’t be offended.
• If you don’t like potatoes, I feel sorry for you. Peru is the potato capital of the world and has thousands of variations on the potato.
• Do not touch anything but yourself—ie water, glass bottles, etc.
• If you are walking down the street and a homeless guy steals the coke bottle out of your hands, this is completely normal.
• If you are obsessed with the internet, work on that because the internet turns off everynight around midnight. Deal with it.
• If your Peruvian friends text you from a different phone number, this is normal because that means they didn’t put more credit on their phone yet.
• Seeing an alpaca in a park is an everyday occurrence. You should give it a name.
• If you hear music that is reminiscent of an ice cream truck, don’t be fooled. It’s a garbage truck, and yes, they are playing Christmas music in summer.
• If you are annoyed by the sound of horns honking, learn to get over it. Taxi drivers think it will get them places faster.
• If the water is cold when you take a shower blame yourself for not turning on the water. You cant blame the sun for not being out that day to heat your water supply. So that ones on you.
• It will take you at least 5 minutes to remove the locks from your front door in the morning. Plan ahead.