Sometimes I question the priorities of people here. Sometimes I question whether or not I am in fact on a different planet because I have witnessed the strangest things here. But, it’s Peru, and with that said, things happen a bit differently. However, after 3 months of living in my new home, I have finally grown accustomed to such things as this...
Yes, you see stray dogs walking about here, occasionally walking in the parks or around the rubbish in the streets.But those are the LOW class dogs. Dogs of a much higher social status prance around on rooftops. I have 2 neighboring roof dogs. They constantly bark at the low lives walking amongst the street below them.
Other not so interesting things I now know are to buy two bottles of water for each night of your weekend. They are greatly needed in the middle of the night when you wake up and are confused or the next morning. Don’t even think about drinking the tap water because you will spend hours upon hours on the toilet the following day. Maybe alternating between your face in the toilet if your night out has really gotten to you. After a week or so, I learned to buy water in advance rather than wake up the next day, put on clothes, and walk around the corner to the shop to buy some.
In addition to preparation for weekends, you learn to be prepared for stupidity. For example, observe this sign.
Perhaps the most ineffective sign in the world lines the streets of Arequipa, telling drivers to avoid the use of their horns every five seconds. I think I have mentioned before, Arequipa is quite loud. Whether it be a combie or a taxi, the drivers believe that honking their horns will literally get you somewhere faster and will force the car or people in front of them to magically disappear. Which is possible if it has run a person over, which wouldn’t surprise me. I have seen it happen.
The silencio signs are ridiculous. As my friend Claire said, “they might as well say "Please press your horn on an exceptionally frequent basis, it is in no way whatsoever annoying to the million residents of the city you are honking your way though. Being woken up at 6am by the sound of your horn is delightful. Who wants to hear the sound of birds singing anyway, they are completely overrated. The harmonising of your horns is on a par with the beauty of the sound made by the London Symphony Orchestra, please continue"
Want to know more about the sounds of Arequipa? Do you remember as a child when you were excited to hear music closely approaching you and realizing it was an ice cream truck. My first day here this happened. But to my surprise, it was not an ice cream truck but a rubbish truck.
Coming round to collect the rubbish rather than hand you something sweet. In addition to the lovely instrumentals reminiscent of elevator music, rubbish trucks play familiar delights such as “Under the Sea” from the Little Mermaid, “Barbie Girl” by Aqua, and the occasional VERY classy song (as classy as it can get considering it deals with rubbish)… “Fur Elise” by Beethoven.
My witty friend Claire has decided that if she were the boss of Arequipa Waste Disposal she would go more along the lines of "Move Bitch" by Ludacris. (Sample lyrics being: Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way. Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way. Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way.
Along the lines of traffic and sounds, did you know that Peru has the third highest death rate in the world relating to road accidents, with 21.5 casualties per thousand inhabitant? It's beaten only by Mexico and Venezuela who have four times as many automobiles as Peru. (More info here: http://www.livinginperu.com/news/13779)
I can only assume that drivers are too busy singing along to Under the Sea to be paying attention to where they are going. This is probably because the drivers are distracted by the delightful songs of artists such as…
Chino and Nacho. Chino and Nacho look like this...
Chino and Nacho are quite popular here. The American equivalent to Ludacris as it may seem. Or someone who should sing something like…”I want to kill you with rusty nine inch nails."
BUT, one of their hits Tu Angelita goes something a little like this, when translated to English.
Your face is a work of art, your mouth is the most beautiful mouth
You have the look of an angel
You're a pretty little thing
I find iteasy to fall in love
You have a beautiful angel face
Angel your love blessed me
A gift of God. Your angel I am your love's sake. Care bears.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if the Care Bears reference is actually alluding to these?
So, Chino and Nacho…gangster they are not. They could probably soundtrack a Disney film such as High School Musical.
Here is another music artist:
His hit song is called 'Prrrrum’. Now, he looks like a respectable guy with his suit, jewelry, and mascara. In contrast to Chino and Nacho, the most dangerous thing about him is that he dared to shave a little stripe of his eyebrow off. But looks can be deceiving. Let me share some of his lyrics to Prrrrum via Google Translator.
Mommy I'll steal the principal and it's not NAAA
Your boyfriend is an idiot (the leaders)and will not make NAAA
Your boyfriend is buying Reebok, no Pikes Pike
DRACULA BOY on the tickets
you're my lady, so baby girl
I love you in a jar
I have the Connections with Dick Tracy
School girls welcome Hazardous area two drinks she was ready take this
If your boyfriend is going to feel gross, collapse
I will do my best to capture you
Give it a night as you dream
And in a separate corner talk,kiss you and trap you
We can capture you
Give it a night as you dream
And in a separate corner talk, kiss you and trap you.
As you can see, in a four minute pop song, he manages to cover stealing, Reebok insulting, connections with Dick Tracey, Dracula, school girls, and capturing and trapping a girl. He will only love you if you are in a jar. He is much more gangster than Chino and Nacho. Like I said, appearances can be deceiving.
In contrast with these three good looking boys, lets talk about the Peruvian Susan Boyle. Move over Chino and Nacho! I would like to introduce…La Tigresa!
Meet La Tigresa del Oriente, singer and Peruvian YouTube sensation. Allow me to give you a brief biography of her life:
She was born in 1944.
From an early age she wanted to be a singer. Her parents disapproved. She continued to want to be a singer. Her husband disapproved. She became a Cosmetologist.
In 2002 she wrote some songs. The songs weren't exactly up there with the lyrical beauty of The Beatles, and La Tigresa's voice could be described as 'unique'.
La Tigresa is not stupid so she decided that it would be a really good idea to film a video for the songs in a jungle with some exotic dancers not wearing many clothes. It was a good idea. The videos were put on YouTube and lots of people liked them. Over 10 million in fact.
She made some more videos. Artists started queuing up to work with her including a nice young guy called El Pimpo Man.
She is now recording a new album, writing a blog and appearing on TV shows. El Pimpo Man doesn't even have an entry on Wikipedia. That's what happens when you don't wear a leopard print catsuit/
And that, in a nutshell is La Tigresa del Oriente. Something Peru should be proud of. For my students who are not at university yet and don’t know what they want their profession to be…why go to uni when you can aspire to be half as cool as this foxy lady?
I would say that despite these three wonderful musical talents, the music here is actually pretty good. I rather enjoy listening to Regatone, Salsa, and Cumbia whilst dancing at Déjà Vu on the weekends. So despite my teasing, don’t get me wrong…I do love Peru and all of its strange quirks.
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