One big strange family

If every country identified with a family member then Peru would be the eccentric uncle. The one who shows up with interesting stories and cool gifts, the one who likes everything bizarre…Reasons being as follows:

1. He likes to consume the strangest of foods and drinks

Every week, my students insist that Peruvian cuisine is the best in the world. I have yet to see this. In my personal opinion, the Peruvian food is a bit bland. Give me American fast food, grease, and saturated fat any day. Peruvians are 110% sure that it doesn’t get any better than this. And why think anything different when you can drink something like this:

Inca Cola. Something that closely resembles that of the contents of a toilet. I have yet to try it because I do not want to feel as if someone is urinating in my mouth. My friends have informed me that it tastes of bubblegum and a million teaspoons of sugar. Seeing as I am not a fan of bubblegum, I am not convinced that Peru is the cuisine capital of the world. Especially considering that this country is extremely into meats such as cuy (guinea pig), heart, tongue, and more. And if this is the drink that accompanies these strange entrees, it is no wonder this country is a bit quirky.

2. He thinks he is a member of the modern world and technologically hip.

Everyone in Peru has a cell phone. Sometimes two cell phones. Because in Peru, you don’t have a monthly plan, instead you put credit on your phones. If you have service from Claro, its less expensive to text or call a fellow Claro phone. However, if you text a movistar phone, you might pay twice the cost. So, you just get two phones. One to talk to your Claro friends and the other for your movistar friends. (Because this is COMPLETELY normal)

In addition to the strangeness of mobile phones, its not uncommon to have your internet turn off at night. Whether this saves money or not, you have to grow accustomed to that little Wifi switch being turned off around 1130 pm. Thus, I am writing this now and must post it tomorrow.

I should also add that if you live in Peru, I hope you can handle cold showers. Water tanks are usually heated by the sun, but on cold or rainy days, it’s necessary to flip a little switch around the area of the bathroom to turn the hot water on. That being said, it takes a while to heat up. So if you are in a rush to be somewhere, just take a freezing cold shower, and remember that Peru is the odd uncle and this is completely normal to him. And one final note, if you like to pull your freshly cleaned laundry out of the drawer and put on some warm clothes or lay in some sheets, then remind yourself that Peru thinks that it is more normal to have to air dry your laundry on a clothes line on the roof. Just make sure they don’t blow away…

3. He wears crazy clothes

The fashion of Peru consists of varying colors and patterns. In addition to intricate threading of exciting colors no one else would EVER combine, Peru also incorporates animals into its fabrics. For example, the blanket on my bed is covered in llamas and lions. This, however, is not as exciting as my roommates. Hers is covered in colors of bright pink and purple with running horses in the middle. In addition to lively animals, the traditional clothing here is rubbing off on me. I absolutely love my gringo socks, llama gloves, and sweater that slightly resembles that of a Peruvian flute band. Anna Wintour (the editor of Vogue) would die if she saw me. I am pretty sure that I would grace the cover of the magazine if we met.

4. He has interesting stories

Peru’s history is rooted in the Inca tribes, and there are many myths and legends that have sprung from this era. My favourite is a story of how two shepherds saw that their llamas were unhappy and behaving bizarrely. The llamas told the shepherds that a great flood was coming, so the shepherds took their families and herds to high caves. It rained and poured for months, drowning the world below. Finally, the sun god Inti appeared, and the warmth of his smile dried the water. The shepherds came out of hiding and began to repopulate the world and everyone lived happily ever after. The llamas however always remember the flood which is why they are only ever found on high ground. Talking llamas. Amazing. Only in Peru.

5. He has probably had some health issues.

So has every male in Peru it would seem. It is not uncommon to see people urinating against the wall of a monastery. At 9am, so drunkenness cannot be blamed. I have seen babies being changed in the middle of the bus station. I have seen people vomit on the street, then continue walking as though nothing had happened. I asked my students to come up with 10 laws they would like to implement in Peru, and one of them came up with 'it is forbidden to urinate on the street.' It's strange they think they need an actual law for this.

6. He is a joy to be around

Despite the oddities I have witnessed, such as a sheep being brought onto a 4 hour bus ride, children as young as the age of 5 entering bars to sell candy, roof dogs, talking llamas, radioactive colored clothing, and neon colored beverages, Peru is awesome.